I’ll always want it to equal something else.
But that will never happen.
Something out of the ordinary.
That’s what I feel like I need.
It seems only I can give it to myself.
I’m interested in one too many things.
one too many people.
The things aren’t the problem.
It’s the people.
Never interested in myself.
But it would be nice for a change if someone went;
“Hey. I want you to tell me everything about you”
Even if I’ll never see that person ever again.
I want it to happen.
Today was a day.
I laid in bed all day.
Played the new legend of zelda game.
Which is sooooo fun. I love it.
Then I went to work.
It’s the only time I have any real contact with people.
I don’t hang out with anyone.
I don’t go and do stuff anywhere.
Work is my outing for being ‘social’.
It’s kind of stupid to put it that way, but it is.
I socialize for four or five hours.
I like some girls, yeah.
But I know I have no chance what so ever with them.
I’m nowhere near their league, it’s not even funny.
I’ve been finding it strange that I’m more attracted to ‘normal’ looking girls.
When I usually go for the ‘out there’ type of girl.
You know, considered ‘punk’ or ‘goth’ or ‘anime’.
Which is funny, considering my last two relationships were indie girls.
I want to settle down now.
It’s so strange to type that.
But I mean that.
Dating is going to be such a hassle at this age.
And I hardly doubt that a girl would ever be interested in someone like me.
I play video games.
I work in a cafe.
I read comic books.
And live on the internet.
Who goes for that?
No one, really.
Man, I went off on a tangent.
Drinking some whiskey tonight.
As per usual.
I’ll be going outside here in a second.
And talk to the sky.
Maybe someone will hear me this time.
Of waking up next to someone.
Looking over and see that person sleeping still.
Hair somewhat in their face.
Then her waking up.
And us just laying in bed together for a long period of time.
Laughing over nothing.
Holding our hands towards the ceiling.
And embracing them.
I miss that feeling.